We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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