Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
