sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
