i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
