i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
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Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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