my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
You're like the curious george of whores
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He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
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i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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