I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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