Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
