I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Farmville is her only friend.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Randomize
