You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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