I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
