Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
