Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
