Fine. I'll sleep in my office
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
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a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
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but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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