I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
