its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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