I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
