I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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