you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
there was a trapeze. enough said
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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