The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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