hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
