Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
operation have a gay friend backfired
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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