if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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