I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
