i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Woke up backwards on a recliner
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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