remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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