On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
