apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
