I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize
