I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
the room spins SO much faster in panama
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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