what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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