Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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