come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She told me I should be a condom model.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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