Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I just want nice things and good sex
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
