btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
