I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
