god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
