on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
