just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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