he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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