did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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