I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
