They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
