Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
