I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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