oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
NoShamevember. You game?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
