Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
