Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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