so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
