if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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