U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
