Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
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long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
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