He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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