We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
organizing the empties. That sober.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
