I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
