The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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