Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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