Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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