i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
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