so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
