Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
