guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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