he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
