I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
