Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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