"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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