i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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