No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
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You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
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Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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