so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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