Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
