Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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