I'm eating all of the evidence.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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