Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
