Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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