Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
