The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize