just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
