Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
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