dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
