That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
