i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
