apparently the secret to your success is patron
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
