your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
