I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
