i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
