If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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